Book Review: IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE by Ashley Winstead

IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE by Ashley Winstead

Sourcebooks Landmark; 8/3/21

CBTB Rating: 4/5 

The Verdict: academic suspense perfect for Pretty Little Liars fans

Welcome to Duquette University, where a 10-year college reunion is about to take a dangerous turn in Ashley Winstead’s dark academia debut, IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE. Ten years ago, Jessica Miller and her friends—a clique known as the “East House Seven”—suffered a horrific tragedy when one of their own was brutally murdered in her dorm room, stabbed to death while she was sleeping. Now, Jessica is planning what is supposed to be her triumphant return to Duquette for her college reunion—an opportunity for her to prove to her college classmates once and for all that she has achieved the kind of success and status she always dreamed of. But an individual with close ties to the group has plans for Jess and her friends, and this college reunion is going to be about much more than reliving glory days gone by. Mystery and intrigue are on the weekend agenda, and Jess and her friends might just be walking unwittingly into a trap. Ashley Winstead’s immersive debut suspense novel IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE weaves an engrossing tale of murder, love, and obsession set against the backdrop of an elite southern university. Delve into the dark secrets and ever-shifting allegiances of the East House Seven in IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE, but watch your back—everyone in this friend group has something to hide, and some of their secrets are deadly. This page-turning debut suspense novel is perfect for fans of Pretty Little Liars and J.T. Ellison’s Good Girls Lie. 

Plot Details: 

Six friends.

One college reunion.

One unsolved murder.

Ten years after graduation, Jessica Miller has planned her triumphant return to her southern, elite Duquette University, down to the envious whispers that are sure to follow in her wake. Everyone is going to see the girl she wants them to see—confident, beautiful, indifferent. Not the girl she was when she left campus, back when Heather Shelby's murder fractured everything, including the tight bond linking the six friends she'd been closest to since freshman year.

But not everyone is ready to move on. Not everyone left Duquette ten years ago, and not everyone can let Heather's murder go unsolved. Someone is determined to trap the real killer, to make the guilty pay. When the six friends are reunited, they will be forced to confront what happened that night—and the years' worth of secrets each of them would do anything to keep hidden.

Told in racing dual timelines, with a dark campus setting and a darker look at friendship, love, obsession, and ambition, In My Dreams I Hold A Knife is an addictive, propulsive read you won't be able to put down.

Jessica Miller has always wanted - no, needed - to be the best. As a student at the prestigious Duquette University, she was obsessed with getting perfect grades and establishing a place for herself in the school’s social scene, a goal she accomplished by dating her class’ golden boy and ingratiating herself into a friend group known as the “East House Seven.” Now a 30-something living in New York, Jess has built an enviable career and life for herself, and she wants everyone to know it. When Jess receives an invitation to her class reunion as part of Duquette’s Homecoming, she knows this is the moment she has been waiting for, where she can prove to her classmates once and for all just how perfectly her life has turned out. There’s just one little problem: a terrible secret from Jess’ past is waiting for her at Duquette, and someone is determined to make sure that Jess’ planned triumphant return is anything but. In Jess’ senior year at the university, one of the members of her friend group, Heather, was brutally murdered. This reunion at Duquette, then, is more than just a chance for old friends to catch up—it’s also a chance for someone with close ties to the group to unmask a killer in their midst. Alternating between flashback chapters that take place during Jess’ time in college in the lead-up to Heather’s murder, and present-day chapters that follow the increasingly sinister events of reunion weekend, IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE weaves an immersive tale of friendship, betrayal, love, and deadly obsession.

One of the unique selling points of Ashley Winstead’s debut novel is its ensemble cast, and the riveting glimpse Winstead offers her readers into the inner workings of its central friend group, a clique known as the “East House Seven.” Winstead expertly explores group dynamics through her book’s central characters, delving into the shifting allegiances and closely guarded secrets that can exist within cliques—and exploring the lasting impact these group dynamics can have long after individuals have gone their separate ways. Central to this group is our story’s protagonist, Jessica Miller. Over my years as a crime reader, I’ve found myself drawn over and over again to characters who are often described as “unlikeable”—characters who embody less-than-desirable traits that we’d all probably rather not admit we can sometimes relate to. That is exactly the kind of character Ashley Winstead gives readers in her book’s protagonist, Jess. In our story’s past timeline, readers meet Jess as a newcomer to Duquette, as she navigates her new life surrounded by wealth and status—two things she herself has never had. When a tragedy strikes her family and Jess’ father passes away, Jess finds herself more driven than ever to live out her father’s dreams and achieve the goals he was never able to for herself. A deep-seated fear of being overlooked and never fulfilling her potential drives Jess forward, motivating her ruthless ambition and single-minded focus. No cost is too great, and, as readers will discover, Jess is plunged into some very dark depths indeed in pursuit of her goals. Now, ten years after leaving Duquette, Jess has the external markers of success that she so desperately sought, and she is determined that her college reunion will finally be her moment to prove to her former classmates once and for all that she is someone, and that she is worthy. Jess’ character is a mash-up of unbridled ambition and perfectionism coupled with an undercurrent of insecurity and fear of failure. Jess is utterly up front and honest with readers about her motivations; her candor about her need for approval and desperate determination to be the best gives her character authenticity, and the deeper readers dig into her backstory, the more sympathy they will feel for the young girl she was and the woman she has become. Ashley Winstead gives readers a complex and compelling protagonist in Jess, and I enjoyed every moment spent in her sometimes twisted, sometimes heartbreaking inner world. While IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE most closely follows Jess, readers will also enjoy periodic interjections from other members of the East House Seven, which provide a 360-degree view of the tragic events leading up to and surrounding the death of one of their own in the story’s “past” timeline. And the more you get to know these characters, the more you will begin to suspect that every single one of them might be harboring their own dark secrets about the horrific murder of their friend a decade ago.

If there was one element of IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE that perhaps didn’t work quite as well for me, it was the book’s pacing, particularly in the book’s first third. For me personally, IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE didn’t fully hook me until just before the 100 page mark. The first section of this book is focused on scene-setting, with an emphasis on establishing character backstories and developing a strong sense of place. This, of course, is not inherently a negative, and the care with which the author builds her story’s universe pays off as the book progresses. However, readers won’t fully understand exactly what the story’s central mystery is, or what exactly is at stake for the book’s characters, until a shift in the story occurs that sets our characters on a new—and much more dangerous—path. Readers who love lighter suspense and a healthy dose of interpersonal drama won’t find this to be a negative at all; in fact, they will love the glimpses into campus life and young adulthood that Winstead gives her readers in her book’s first section. However, readers who are looking for thrills and tension right off the bat may find that it takes a bit of patience for that element of this story to fully kick in. No spoilers, of course, but once the author reveals the true reasoning behind why Jess and her friends have been called back to Duquette and who exactly has brought them together, the tension and intrigue pick up in a big way, giving readers a mystery to solve alongside the story’s sustained interpersonal drama. This balance between drama and suspense, once established, sucked me right in and kept me hooked until the book’s end. As the book progresses, the author’s expert ability to dole out subtle clues and craft convincing red herrings will keep readers fully invested; this is one of those books where everyone has a dark side and seems like they might just be capable of murder. IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE lures readers into its world alongside its characters slowly but surely, before snapping closed the trap that has been carefully laid around them. The cherry on top of this deliciously dark read is a cinematic, gut-punch of an ending—the kind of finale that feels built for the big screen, and more than makes up for any slower start that some readers may find this book to have.

IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE is an immersive, atmospheric story of friendship, secrets, and obsession. Set against the backdrop of an elite southern university, this engrossing suspense novel takes readers into the dark secrets of a picture-perfect friend group, exploring the complex dynamics that exist between individuals who have spent their formative years together. This brooding book exemplifies so much of what I love about dark academic suspense: its authentic and immersive university setting provides the perfect competitive, pressure-cooker environment for its compelling cast of characters and increasingly urgent central mystery. IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE is a strong debut suspense novel from an author whose future work I will be eagerly looking forward to reading. Recommended for fans of Pretty Little Liars, J.T. Ellison’s Good Girls Lie, and Alex Michaelides’ The Maidens.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review. All opinions my own. 

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Book Details: 

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Sourcebooks Landmark (August 3, 2021)

Language ‏ : ‎ English

Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 352 pages

ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 172822988X

ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1728229881

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