IF I DISAPPEAR by Eliza Jane Brazier
Berkley; 1/26/21
CBTB Rating: 3.5/5
The Verdict: a compelling suspense novel with a confusing finale
It’s been quite a while since I read a book quite like Eliza Jane Brazier’s IF I DISAPPEAR. This book is sure to be a polarizing one, and I’ve spent many days since I finished reading it trying to gather my thoughts into some sort of a coherent review. Did I love this book? No, to be honest, I can’t say I did. Were there elements I loved about it? Absolutely. IF I DISAPPEAR weaves a dark and hypnotic spell—this story is cleverly constructed and beautifully written, drawing readers into the dark heart of a family with terrible secrets. In IF I DISAPPEAR, readers follow a young woman who is obsessed with a true crime podcast and its host. When that podcast host goes missing, our protagonist believes she is uniquely prepared to solve the mystery, and sets off on an ill-advised mission to find her missing idol. I was riveted by this unsettling book for about 3/4 of it, until an out-of-left-field conclusion left me both unsatisfied and not insignificantly confused. I am, honestly, still of two minds about this book. There was so much I thoroughly enjoyed about it, and I also had significant frustrations with how the story ultimately tied together, so much so that it did impact my enjoyment of the book as a whole. I’m quite confident this book won’t be for everyone, but it’s sure to spark lots of discussion as it makes its way into readers’ hands this month.
Plot Details:
When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman sets out to investigate and plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.
Sera loves true crime podcasts. They give her a sense of control in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She's sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podcast host, goes missing, Sera knows it's time to act. Rachel has always taught her to trust her instincts.
Sera follows the clues hidden in the episodes to an isolated ranch outside Rachel's small hometown to begin her search. She's convinced her investigation will make Rachel so proud. But the more Sera digs into this unfamiliar world, the more off things start to feel. Because Rachel is not the first woman to vanish from the ranch, and she won't be the last...
Rachel did try to warn her.
Let’s start at the very beginning: with this book’s plot. IF I DISAPPEAR has an instantly-appealing premise, particularly for those of us who love true crime podcasts. This novel follows a young woman named Sera. Sera has fallen on hard times: she has recently gone through a divorce, and is struggling to find a sense of purpose and connection in her life. Sera’s lifeline through the storms she is weathering is a true crime podcast called “Murder, She Spoke,” hosted by a woman named Rachel Bard. Rachel’s podcast focuses on cases in which young women have disappeared; she is a champion for these women, keeping their stories alive in a world in which women disappear all the time, and are quickly forgotten. Sera is horrified when, one day, Rachel herself disappears, her podcast and social media suddenly going silent. Sera instantly knows that something is wrong. Could Rachel have become a victim of a crime the likes of which she covers on her podcast? Sera is convinced that she alone is qualified to find Rachel, and she sets off on a journey to Northern California to track her down. IF I DISAPPEAR places readers immediately into the heart of the story: from its first page, readers will find themselves in the passenger seat on Sera’s quest. From page one, there is a level of unreliability to Sera that will fascinate readers. Her intentions seem good, sure, but how much can readers really trust a character whose single-minded obsession with another person would find her embarking on such a risky journey? Sera soon makes her way to Rachel’s family farm, where she convinces Rachel’s parents to hire her to work with the farm’s horses. Her true intentions hidden, Sera infiltrates Rachel’s world bit by bit, coming ever closer to the shocking truth about Rachel’s disappearance—and along the way discovering that Rachel isn’t the only woman to have disappeared from the area recently.
For about 3/4 of this book, I was simply riveted. IF I DISAPPEAR has echoes of Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects and an unhinged atmosphere all its own. As Sera settles into her new life at Rachel’s family farm, she finds herself immersed in a world that becomes increasingly bizarre—and increasingly dangerous. Under the pretense of innocent curiosity, Sera begins to ask questions about Rachel of Rachel’s parents, of the mysterious cowboy who works on the farm, and of the locals in a nearby town… and to her shock and dismay, discovers that no one seems all that concerned about what happened to Rachel. To many, Rachel was a troublemaker—a woman who asked too many questions and stirred up trouble. Local police, for example, don’t want to look into Rachel’s disappearance because they considered her and her many questions about local crimes against women a nuisance. Rachel will be fine, they’re sure, and in the meantime, they’re none too sad to have her out of their way. Every element of IF I DISAPPEAR drips with menace, and the deeper Sera digs into this case, the more readers will fear for not only Rachel’s safety, but for Sera’s safety, too. The author does an outstanding job crafting a truly dark and unpredictable environment here, one which will require protagonist Sera to keep all her wits about her in order to solve the story’s central mystery. Surreal and sinister touches keep both Sera and readers on their toes: from the watchful, almost all-knowing presence of Rachel’s mother, to threatening omens both subtle and overt, to an off-kilter environment of false cheeriness that seems to belie something far more deadly, every element of the world the author crafts in IF I DISAPPEAR is deliciously dark and disconcerting. Eliza Jane Brazier’s beautiful writing and sinister world-building is a true selling point of this novel, and I found myself totally immersed in the creepy, sometimes truly bizarre world she creates in this book’s pages.
If you’re thinking “wait a second, this review has been a rave so far… where’s the problem?”… we’re getting there, I promise. My personal stumbling block with this story didn’t come until the book’s end. IF I DISAPPEAR would easily have been a 4 or 4.5 star read for me, had it not been for its confusing and a somewhat far-fetched finale. I promise that this review will remain spoiler-free, but I do want to share some broad thoughts on the book’s conclusion in case it informs whether or not you want to pick this book up yourself. I love a good plot twist, but I would always rather read a crime novel with a “fair play” solution—one that is supported by clues established throughout the story—than a story with a shocking plot twist that feels out-of-left-field. Personally, the finale of IF I DISAPPEAR fell into the latter category to me. I can see and appreciate the points the author hoped to drive home with the finale (though I don’t think I can discuss them in a spoiler-free way… so I will have to keep this vague!), but, more than anything else, I found the conclusion dissatisfying because it felt practically plucked out of thin air, and seemed to raise more questions than it did provide answers. I have talked to other readers who loved the ending of this book and felt that it tied everything together in a way that made sense to them, so do take this with a grain of salt—this is just one reader’s opinion. I truly did enjoy so much about this story, but I was left unsatisfied by its conclusion to such a degree that it did impact my overall impression of the book, and, in turn, my ability to recommend this book wholeheartedly.
IF I DISAPPEAR is undoubtedly one of the most unique, sometimes bizarre, and all around conversation-starting suspense novels of the spring. My personal experience with this book was quite mixed, but I’m nevertheless glad that I had the opportunity to read and experience this heady, hypnotic tale.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review. All opinions my own.
Book Details:
Publisher : Berkley (January 26, 2021)
Language: : English
Hardcover : 304 pages
ISBN-10 : 0593198220
ISBN-13 : 978-0593198223
Crime by the Book is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. This in no way affects my opinion of the book(s) included in this post.
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